


Break My Shell

by paradisewaiting



Series: Breakdown [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Dogs, I needed to write angst, I'm Sorry, Jeeps, M/M, Panic Attacks, Some sort of AU, Stuff, idk what to tag, there might be smut later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 21:45:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3091529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradisewaiting/pseuds/paradisewaiting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sound of pencil led on paper was louder than the music playing in the meticulously clean bedroom. A short, black haired man perched in the middle of the to bed, hunched over a sketchbook, surrounded by scrap paper, pencils, charcoal and other art supplies. “Come on, get dressed. You can bring your sketchbook, but you have to go.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Break My Shell

**Author's Note:**

> I was on a road trip and listening to angsty music and my brain just vomited this out. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop it.  
> Also  
> Hange is written in as nonbinary  
> 

“Levi” Hange’s voice rang out loudly in the otherwise silent house. They stood at the top of the stairs a moment then sighed heavily. “Don’t ignore me, Levi; it’s time for your appointment.” They said walking through the livingroom and opening the door in the hallway. “I don’t want to go.” Came his voice from the other side of the door as it opened. “You never do.” Hange leaned against the open door frame, long hair falling around their shoulders. “Can you blame me? That man is a quack.” The sound of pencil led on paper was louder than the music playing in the meticulously clean bedroom. A short, black haired man perched in the middle of the to bed, hunched over a sketchbook, surrounded by scrap paper, pencils, charcoal and other art supplies. “Come on, get dressed. You can bring your sketchbook, but you have to go.” They turned and walked back into the living room, perching on the edge of the couch, waiting for the sounds of movement that came from the bedroom next.

                Exactly five minutes later Levi emerged in the doorframe, out of his sweats and wearing black jeans and a Nirvana t-shirt with a ratty looking knitted zipup overtop. “I can drive myself, I’m going. You don’t need to babysit.” He muttered and moved through the living room and kitchen to the door. Hange smiled and pushed off the couch. “You sure? I have to go that way anyway. The clinic is right beside my school.”  
“Yes, I’m sure. Your music is shit. I’ll drive myself.” He pulled his shoes on and stood, grabbing keys off the wall.  
“My music is wonderful. You know where to find me if you need me.” Hange patted his back as they left; Levi rolled his eyes and walked out to his old, military style Jeep.

                Therapy was therapy. Same boring questions. Same boring answers. New prescriptions. Unwanted trips to the pharmacy which lead to unwanted conversations with pharmacists about the new medications.

                It was finally over and he had only almost had one panic attack the whole time. Maybe things were getting better like the shrink said it would. Probably not. Probably just a fluke.

                Levi crawled into his Jeep and plugged his phone in, turning the key when he was finished. The Jeep sputtered to life loudly and he pulled out onto the street to go back home.  He moved through town and onto the highway, back to the residential area where he lived. It was a short drive. A safe drive. One stop light. Two kilometers of highway. His street. One block. His house. He could handle this much.

                Smoke rose from under the hood halfway down the highway and the Jeep chugged to stop, Levi guiding it off of the road as it did. His head was a flurry of panic as it Jeep finally stopped. “Shit.” He muttered as he popped the hood. He had to climb up onto the rather large bumper of the Jeep in order to fully prop the hood up. He used the rag he had grabbed to check the radiator fluid. “Fuck.” Empty.  He couldn’t drive it like this. ‘Calm down.’ He breathed slowly as he disconnected his phone from the Jeep.

[Jeep broke down on the highway]

He stared at his phone. His chest hurt. Felt like someone was gripping his neck too tight.  The last thing he wanted to do was make a phone call. ‘It’s just Hange’ He told himself.

                Voicemail. “Shit.” They must be giving a lecture. That would be the only time they wouldn’t answer their phone.

                He could feel the weight on his chest again, his throat closing. He gasped desperately for breath. Dropped his phone. His back hit the front fender of the Jeep, slid down the tire until he was sitting on the ground, knees hugged to his chest.  He struggled to take breaths as his walls closed in. ‘Not again’ He forced his eyes open, forced the air into his chest again. ‘I’ll just walk. It’s not that far.’ Tires on pavement. Levi jumped and scrambled farther back onto shoulder of the road.

                Who was he kidding? He wouldn’t make it 10 feet walking on the side of the highway.

                Levi resigned himself to waiting in his Jeep for Hange to finish whatever they were doing; it couldn’t take that long…Right? He checked his phone. A mere 5 minutes had passed since he had phoned Hange at the University; it felt like hours. He shifted and pulled his feet up to sit cross legged in the driver’s seat, clicking on his hazard lights as he did. He watched nervously out his window as traffic passed, cringing every time a vehicle drove past.

                Tires on pavement. Slowing to a stop. Levi peeked out of his window to see a beat up old Civic stopped behind him. ‘Shit. No. No. No.’ It wasn’t Hange’s car. Levi didn’t want help right now. He was fine as long as he was left alone. People complicated things. A tall brunet boy sporting some black band tshirt, mussed hair, and a lip ring stepped out of the car, wandered up to the Jeep and tapped on the window. Levi slowly rolled down the window, looking at the stranger with skepticism. One person he could handle. He would be fine. He was sure. “Hey dude, car problems?” The boy, who had to be at least 5 years younger than Levi, asked. “No. I just enjoy parking on the side of the highway for kicks.” Deadpan. No emotion. “Christ. Okay, stupid question, I get it. Do you need a ride somewhere? What’s wrong with it, I’m pretty good with cars.” Levi rolled his eyes. “Radiator fluid’s empty. Too hot to drive.” The boy laughed and it was probably the lightest sound Levi had heard in years. “You don’t fuck around do you? Come on, I’ll drive you to go get some.” Levi stared out the window, heart beating out of control, as the boy walked away, stopping as he noticed Levi still in the Jeep. The boy returned to the window. “Do you not want to go get more rad fluid?” Levi shook his head, his chest hurt again. “I just want to go home.” His voice quiet, breath shaky. “I can drive you home if you want.” He shook his head again. “Okay, whatever, man. I’m just trying to be a nice person. You don’t have to be a dick about it.” He walked away. ‘No, wait.’ He grimaced as the boy got back in his car and drove away.

                The sound of the boys laugh still rang in his ears as he sat, dejected, in the front seat of his Jeep. He didn’t dare turn his music back on, that sound was too precious to ruin this quickly. He couldn’t get it out of his head and it bothered him.

                He hadn’t even heard Hange pull up behind him. He did however hear them call his name as they approached his window. A relieved sigh escaped him as he seen their smiling face. “Hey shitty glasses, thanks for ignoring me.” He muttered, painting a scowl back on his face. Appearances. Hange only smiled and nodded toward their car before walking back. Levi scrambled to grab his things from the Jeep before climbing out the passenger door and walking back to Hange’s car.

                It was 5 pm when Hange returned with Levi’s Jeep. They had volunteered to go get it with one of their annoying friend’s, Petra or something stupid like that. Levi only rolled his eyes and insisted only Hange drive it.

                “I made food.” Levi said as Hange entered the house, he was still standing in the kitchen. “Awesome, your cooking is the best.” They said as they entered, grabbing a plate and flopping down on the couch. Levi curled himself into the opposite corner with his plate and picked away at it as a movie played on tv. He absentmindedly tossed chunks of chicken to the large blue pitbull lying on the floor in front of him. “You need to stop feeding him people food Levi. He’s going to get fat.”  
“He runs too much to get fat. All he ever wants to do is play fetch.” Levi reached down and pet the large dog on his muzzle before standing up and putting away his now empty plate. “C’mon Kingston.”

                He lit his cigarette and settled down into one of the chairs in the back yard as he watched Kingston run around looking for his ball. Absentmindedly throwing the ball for the dog and analyzing his day while he puffed on his cigarette. “You don’t have to be a dick about it” He cringed as the boy’s words rang through his head suddenly. ‘Good fucking job.’ He chewed his thumb and tossed the ball again, his heart rate quickening. “I’m just trying to be a nice person.” He dropped his cigarette, the boy’s words haunting him. The dog stopped and turned to look at Levi. He brought his knees up to his chest, his throat dry and sore. He couldn’t breathe and his mind was a mess of the tall brunet and the hurt and angry look he had given him before driving away, leaving him on the side of the road. Kingston barked and trotted over, sitting next to Levi; protecting him. The large dog stayed there, as close as he could get, until Hange hurried out the door. “Levi, it’s okay. Here, I brought you water.” They reached their hand down and tentatively touched the man’s back. “Levi, can you hear me? It’s Hange.” He couldn’t, all he could hear was that boy’s voice. Hange rubbed his back as they moved to crouch next to him. “Hey remember that time we went to the coast? And you hated how hot the sand got during the day and would only go to beach at night.” Hange recounted, thinking back to happier times. “Or when we to fair when it came to town. I still can’t believe you won ALL the games we played there.” They continued to rub his back as they recounted stories of their past until finally Levi heard them. His mind clearing as he heard something about a boat. “If you would’ve just let me drive the damn thing we wouldn’t have gotten stranded in the middle of the lake, shitty glasses” He lifted his head finally, his eyes puffy, throat dry. He reached a shaky hand out and grabbed the glass of water from Hange and chugged it, cold and soothing against his sore throat.

                Levi woke with a start, bolting upright in bed, the sounds of fire and crunching metal still ringing in his ears. “No. No. No.” He looked around his room frantically. “Hange” He asked desperately. Nothing. No reply. 2:20 am. He scrambled out of his bed and padded quickly through the livingroom and kitchen, down the stairs and into the basement. His heart beat out of control as he pushed the door to Hange’s room open, terrified of finding nothing on the other side. His breath came out as a puff as he seen them sleeping in bed still. This one person was currently everything to him. More of a sibling to him than anything else. A protector. A steady constant he could always rely on and let his walls down around. Someone he wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable around. He padded over to the bed and watched Hange’s chest rise and fall in slow shallow breaths. Blankets. He curled up in the recliner in the corner of the room with a crocheted blanket and let the sound of Hange’s breathing lull him back to sleep.

                He woke to Kingston’s nose bumping his hand. A note stuck to his forehead. “Next time you have a nightmare you can wake me up you know.  I’m at work, call me if you need me.” He groaned and stretched as he got out of the chair and made his way back upstairs, letting Kingston into the yard on his way by the door. He trudged into his own room and curled up in the blankets on his bed until he heard Kingston barking outside again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the weird formatting. Things got all mixed up when I put it in here.

**Author's Note:**

> There is NO romance between Hange and Levi. Ew. No. None of that, guys.  
> Not that I'm against Levihan okay, it just makes me cringe in this AU ok.  
> Also I suck at titles so feel free to suggest things because I'm not gifted in that area.


End file.
